Since I began writing this little weekly tour of the dark underbelly of reality, I've covered a wide range of topics, from Bigfoot and art cars to chemtrails and haunted railroad tracks. It occurs to me, though, that I've never asked you, faithful readers, what you think is "weird."

Columns By J. Scott Wilson Diary Of A Fat Man Ask The Cook Short Orders The Weird Chronicles

So, here's what we're going to do. Click here and tell me what (or who) you think is weird. Be as funny as you like, but keep it clean. I'll reprint the best/strangest/most thought-provoking in an upcoming column.

One of my personal favorite suppliers of weirdness over the last couple of years has been those fun folks at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). In their never-ending quest to save the domestic animals of the world from taking their rightful places upon my barbecue grill, they've pulled some downright amazing stunts. I always enjoy the mail I get after featuring yet another of their doings, at least those letters that I can decipher. Apparently, social activism and good grammar don't necessarily go hand-in-hand.

Whether it's showing blood-and-gore slaughterhouse films to lunch crowds or crusading for better chicken farm digs, you've got to admire their dedication to the cause, if not necessarily their methods.

Recently, they've taken on to showing up naked in various places to protest against folks who wear fur. It might have more impact if those doing the exposing weren't so scrawny and underfed-looking.

Yo Quiero Heimlich Maneuver?

Jennifer Gilbert called 911 recently when her Chihuahua, Gizmo, began staggering around the living room and coughing, struggling to breathe. The 911 operator, thinking with remarkable quickness, flipped her emergency flashcard to the instructions for dealing with a choking infant and coached Jennifer through whacking Gizmo on the back until he coughed up the obstruction.

What, you ask, was the obstruction? It appears Gizmo didn't like competition, and had been ferociously attacking a Taco Bell toy in the shape of the Chihuahua from the commercials. The nose of the toy had come off and lodged in Gizmo's airway, almost snuffing out the poor little fellow.

This reminds me of one of those "evil doll" horror movies, where the amazingly lifelike child-size doll comes to evil life and offs family members until stopped with a combination of magic spells and flamethrowers. I'm sure SciFi Channel will option the story for a movie.

I forget which comedian told the joke, but one of my favorite bits of pet-related humor concerned Chihuahuas:

Q: What's the one and only one command you can teach a Chihuahua to obey?

A: "Sit there and SHAKE!"

Death Of A 'Shop Cat'

Those of you who have read much of my scribblings on this site know of my affection for shop cats, so it was with great sadness this week that I learned of the passing of Mitze, beloved denizen of the McCormack courthouse building in Boston. He'd been named by his original Hungarian owners, and "inherited" by the owners of the courthouse coffee shop, who'd fed and sheltered him over the years.

Take a moment as you're out and about this weekend and during the coming week to pay your respects on Mitze's behalf to shop cats wherever you may find them, or they find you. They keep the mice out of your bookstacks and the rats out of your pet food at more stores than you might know.

Dropping The Suit

A tip of the cheeseburger goes out this week to lawmakers in Minnesota, who are working up a bill that would prevent overweight people from suing restaurants, farmers and grocery stores for their health problems.

Now McDonald's can start those McRib press gangs up, grabbing us large folks by our love handles and force-feeding us delicious sandwiches and crispy fries against our will without fear of lawsuit. Ain't free enterprise grand?

But seriously, I'm incredibly happy to see this little slice of reality injected into what has been at times a truly surreal debate.

So, how's things in your neck of the woods? Bigfoot in the petunias? Alien visitations? Drop me a line and let me know!

Previous Stories:

• Feb. 11, 2005: On The Chemtrail Trail
• Feb. 4, 2005: A Sports Fan's Prayer
• Jan. 21, 2005: Four More Years
• Jan. 14, 2004: How I Spent My Winter Vacation
• Jan. 7, 2005: The Weird Year In Review!
• Dec. 17, 2004: When I Was A Kid ...
• Dec. 10, 2004: Grinching It Up
• Dec. 3, 2004: I Lost On 'Jeopardy,' Baby
• Nov. 19, 2004: Mustard Fans, Unite!
• Nov. 12, 2004: My Life As A Rennie